Anything that deflates this absurd festival is just fine by me, and the above is funny and clever.

I don't know what to like less about the Olympics. Is it the white-elephant facilities? The corporate welfare? The global aristocracy of Olympic officials whose every need is catered for in host countries, down to setting aside traffic lanes for their exclusive use?

Some may accuse me of hypocrisy. After all, I follow the football World Cup avidly. But at least FIFA doesn't cloak itself in creepy one-worldism and pieties about the human spirit. And that's the most galling aspect of all about the Olympics. It's not about world peace or understanding, but about nationalist glory (see Beijing 2008; Berlin 1936) and siphoning money from the pockets of gullible governments and taxpayers.

The best hope for the event is the English talent for irony and mockery. The earnest and humourless Olympic movement could stand to be taken down a peg or two. Enjoy the fortnight.